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If you are writing as well as this one you are almost there, on your way to a university of your choice. Remember, the university uses this essay not only to know how well you write but also to see how you write, because this is the one piece of work by you which is completely uncoached and unprepared. Read on.....
ESSAY 5
A demand for more extra curricular, higher marks and
unending competition is running students to desperation.
For many, anything but the best is simply unacceptable.
In a society that constantly tells it's youth they must
have the best possible college, highest pay check and
newest car to be happy, why wouldn't this be the case? A
grading system gives the student a fair opportunity to be
able to get into a decent college, regardless of whether
they have that extra half mark or not, removes their
desperation of failure, take stress off them, and give
the youth of our nation a chance.
Schools are always pushing students into so many
activities. Students are required to have under there
belt activities and good marks. They can try as they will
but they end up losing out from those who do nothing but
study, by a few marks. Now that isn't fair. Others who
might only study lose out on a few marks because maybe
their grader was not as kind or worse still it was just a
bad day. Is it fair to then say that these students are
not good enough? A student committed suicide last year
when he found that his college admission core had fallen
short by two marks. He just could not stand having failed
his parents.
Teenagers in the country have an ever growing load of stress being placed upon them. Starting before college teens are faced with the questions: Where are you going to college? How are you going to get there? What are you going to be? All these questions are extremely daunting and often stress students out. With the expectations of family and peers so high students find themselves under amazing stress, sometimes resulting in unhappy incidents like suicide if they find themselves unable to cope. The grading system helps a student have the confidence that his life is not being decided on the basis of the half mark he may or may not have scored.
Time is so fleeting in this day and age. There is never
enough time. No time for family, no time for relaxing,
no time for sleep. Even if some time is stolen to
re-cooperate, aren't the youth told that if they rest
at home or sleep too much they are lazy and worthless?!
Teenagers need to know what is important and necessary
for their mental and physical health. At the pressures
that the youth of India lives we are sure to all become
workaholics. Is that really what are society needs?
When the lesson students learn in school is one that
unless they score they are going to get no where then
the only focus is the marks and there enters a cut
throat competition which is definitely unhealthy.
With such a high demands placed on the youth of our
nation, it seems only fair that they be given a respite
somewhere. The grading system will make the competition
less fierce and therefore allow students to enjoy life
a bit. Instead of the desperation of students who might
not qualify because of those few marks it will give the
students the confidence that is they are good they will
make it. This will make them mentally healthy and
discover the fun and interest in life which they only
get once in their life time. The grading system will be
a boon for our greatly overloaded educational system.
Scoring Explanation
Position TakenThis essay takes a position in favor of having the grading system for all students by reminding us of a society where what is valued is excellence and high achievement leading students to desperation. (In a society that constantly tells it's youth they must have the best possible college, highest pay check and newest car to be happy, why wouldn't this be the case?)..
Development of Ideas
Understanding and Clarity
Organization in Essay
Sentence Structure and Word Choice
Language use in the essay is generally clear, although there is misspellings of homophones (its/it's, our/are)
Language Usage
Some incorrect punctuation and spelling mistakes are also there even though they do not impede understanding. (This results in the essay losing a mark).
