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Sample SAT Essays & Scoring,'The Better Ones'

by Himani

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'The Better Ones'
The following essays receive a score of 3 and 4 respectively. While being better than the ones with a score of 1&2 they still lack the finish. If in your practice essays you are writing as well as these then you are ready for the next step- the next two essays- 'the Better Ones' and the '6 pointer'. Make sure you read them to find out how you can improve.

Essay 3

Educators debate over having the grade system in schools so as to decrease the pressure on students and enable them to focus on other activities outside the academic ones in addition to having high grades. Some educators support having grades in school as the answer to relieving students of pressure and reducing the competition they have to face. Other educators do not support the grade system because they think students would lose interest in school and attendance would also since they would have nothing to push them to achieve. Both sides have strong points, but I agree with the educators who say that their shouldn't be grades at the tenth and twelfth grades.
I agree that high school should not be made up of a grading system because I agree with those people who say that students would loose interest. Specially, students who work very hard and aim at scoring high marks and competing with others. Some adolescence are already loosing interest in school because the grading system takes the edge of competition and brackets a middling level child with those who are intelligent. Being an eleventh grader myself I would dislike being bracketed with those who are not as intelligent but would be equated with me because of the grading system.

I think introducing the grading system removes the pleasure of working hard and destroys all pleasure in work.

I also feel that there should not be the grading system because it destroys the competitive urge to work in students and makes them feel bad being equated with other students who might be even 10 marks behind them.

The teacher should have the need to do their best to prepare students for dealing with pressure so that the marking system can work effectively and efficiently.
I just think that the grading system will only get students lazy in work and not have the competitive urge required for work. There drive would definitely decline.

Educators should not the grading system to the tenth and twelfth but keep it for primary classes.
Scoring Explanation

Position Taken
This essay shows some understanding of the writing task.The writer takes a position on the issue (Both sides have strong points, but I agree with the educators who say that their shouldn't be grades at the tenth and twelfth grades) and offers some context for discussion by repeating the prompt as an introduction.

Development of Ideas
By using the prompt as part of the essay, the writer acknowledges a counter-argument but does not discuss it at all.
Two main ideas are developed to support the writer's position (. . . I agree that high school should not be made up of a grading system because I agree with those people who say that students would loose interest………….. Being an eleventh grader myself I would dislike being bracketed with those who are not as intelligent but would be equated with me because of the grading system.), with the first idea repeated twice in separate parts of the discussion (I just think that five years is too long and students would get bored with school).

Clarity
Discussion of each idea is limited and is not illustrated by specific reasons, examples, or details (I also feel that there should not be the grading system because it destroys the competitive urge to work in students and makes them feel bad being equated with other students who might be even 10 marks behind the), but the essay does maintain focus on the specific issue in the prompt

Organization in Essay
Organization is simple and clear but provides no evidence that ideas in the essay are logically sequenced within the discussion.

Sentence Structure and Word Choice
The introduction and conclusion are clearly discernible as intentional frames for the discussion, but are underdeveloped-either because the language is merely repeated from the prompt or because the writer did not extend summation past a single conclusive statement.

Language Usage
Language use shows some sentence variety (takes the edge of competition, introducing the grading system ) and appropriate word choice (competitive urge ).
There are quite a few grammatical errors.( Educators should not the grading system to the tenth and twelfth but keep it for primary classes.

Sample Score 3

ESSAY-4
Educators debate introducing grading at the tenth and the twelfth grades due to the increasing pressure on students for admission into colleges. Those for it, say that it will give students less pressure and a chance in the prevailing competition. Those against it say that students specially the intelligent ones would lose interest and even attendance will drop. Of course there seems to be advantages and disadvantages to both, but lets be realistic, in India today, admissions in colleges aren't really easy but at least right now the right students get in on basis of their marks.
I feel that introducing the grading system will be a bad idea for three reasons, students will lose impetus to work and compete, the intelligent students will suffer while those not working as hard will get away with it, and thirdly that it will be a "band aid" for bigger problems.

Firstly, if you think about it, if there is a grading system students will lose impetus to work because when they are not competing for marks the pressure is not there.

Out of the millions of students enrolled in school, only one out of 10 truly enjoys school, where as the others just treat it as a social gathering very early in the morning. After the grading system is introduced if all the sloggers get the same marks as those who only go to school to only to enjoy it will make the hard working ones lose interest. The drive for getting marks if not there will result in students working enough just to get a grade not to excel Lastly, it will be a band aid for bigger problems because after all how do you decide who to take in colleges when you are going only for a general grading. All A1's are the same and all B1's are the same. This will cause more problems because the initiative for students to work harder and better will be removed. At a time when there is so much competition the world over, the lack of it in school will not produce the brilliance we need.

So in conclusion, marking system the way it exists is an excellent one and best suits our system. For those that don't think so, explain how most of my generations parents did it without the pressure that we seem to say exists?
Sample Score=4

Scoring Explanation

Position Taken
This essay demonstrates adequate skill in responding to the task.

Development of Ideas
The writer takes a position (I feel that introducing the grading system will be a bad idea for three reasons. . .) and offers some context for the discussion (Educators debate introducing grading at the tenth and the twelfth grades due to the increasing pressure on students for admission into colleges. Those for it say that it will give students less pressure and a chance in the prevailing competition).

Clarity
Development of ideas is adequately done, with three ideas discussed with some specific examples and details (Out of the millions of students enrolled in school, only one out of 10 truly enjoys school,).
Focus on the specific issue in the prompt is maintained throughout the essay.

Organization in Essay
The organization of the essay is apparent but is also weak (Firstly, Lastly, So in conclusion).

Sentence Structure and Word Choice
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and somewhat developed.
The writer demonstrates adequate ability with language, using a variety of sentence types and some appropriate word choice (initiative for students, brilliance we need) as well as some inaccurate and distracting word choice (sloggers, generation parents).

Language Usage Errors
There are some grammatical errors but not enough to to impede understanding.

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1 Comment
    Raffmails
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    RaffmailsThu, 07 Oct 2010 12:24:07 -0000

    It was a nice essay.post even more

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Last Updated At Dec 07, 2012
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